And just like that I realized that I am in the exact place that I am supposed to be at just the right time in my life. And that perhaps things aren’t ‘so bad’… maybe it’s simply time to adjust my perspective.
I am ready to grow.
I am ready to learn.
I am ready to stop living in fear and start being bold. Are you with me??
Have you ever struggled with this? What are some ways that you choose to be bold? I’d love to hear about your experiences.
All my love, Bailey Mikell
Dear January 14th…. we are in a fight.
BUT, lets celebrate the beauty of today instead of highlighting the negative. I decided to take my frustration out in the kitchen and bake the cutest little banana bran muffins you’ve ever seen.
And of course I spilled granola all over my kitchen floor during the process. But don’t worry, Roman was there to provide me with some assistance..
AAAAND…. Lincoln turned 2 at the end of December & I couldn’t be more proud of the sweet boy that he is. I do believe being an auntie is one of the biggest blessings in the world. We played with his new toys, ate cupcakes, and smooched goodnight. I love him very much.
It’s colder than a witches tit in the ‘tah. I’ve come to the conclusion that copious amounts of tea, bloody mary’s (which I’ve mastered), beer, and football are the only solution to the temperature being in single digits. Keep calm & drink/cheer the 49ers on.
For months I have felt as though I owe those that have read my blog consistently an explanation behind my absence. Unfortunately, I don’t think that there is one. It’s as simple as this: I love mysteries, and for a while, I found it necessary to become one.
Although it was difficult to do, moving back to Salt Lake was the best decision I could have made for myself. My life in Logan was proof that you can have everything in the world but if you do not have anyone to share it with it is meaningless. With time I have learned that we must be our own before we can be another’s. The journey to become the woman I know I can be is the best one thus far. I am so happy, and I am thankful I have so many beautiful people to share my happiness with.
“I haven’t a clue as to how my story will end. But that’s alright. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, that’s when you discover the stars.” -Nancy Willard
All my love until next time, Bailey Mikell
I stopped wearing my favorite perfume after I left him. I found out it had been discontinued and my bottle was running low. I thought to myself “save it for something special”. I couldn’t figure out just what that was, but I didn’t want it to go to waste on any old day, and that’s exactly how everyday had began to feel.
Weeks later I was still waiting for that “something special”. My best friend grabbed my wrist in excitement after I spritzed myself before we went out to breakfast and said “is that my favorite stuff?” she turned away and said “oh no” and continued getting ready.
The thing I realized right then is that as silly as it sounds to be so attached to a scent it still feels like a part of me, a part of my past. And when it’s gone, it’s gone… but that’s okay, because I will still be here when the perfume runs out. And so will the memories.
So life goes on even after our favorite scent no longer exists. We can’t wait for something fabulous to do a key thing we used to do for ourselves everyday. That’s the funny thing about women sometimes… We think we should sit and wait for the bus when really we need to slip on our comfiest flats and run after it before it runs away from us. Life’s too short to sit around waiting, smelling, and feeling like anything but ourselves. So I am done waiting for unmade plans, and I’m finally ready to use every last drop.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that worrying about “what if’s” can destroy a person. For me I have a hard time focusing on the now. Instead I tend to think about what “could have been”, or in my mind how things “should” be.
Here is a perfect example: A few years ago I thought that by 21 I’d be in a completely different place. After graduating early from high school even when they all told me I could not, I felt a surge of motivation like never before. I had recently bought the car I’d been wanting for years and decided I wanted to pay it off early (by the time I turned 21). I also wanted to be done with my degree and know what I want in a career. But my biggest goal was having my own four walls. The rules weren’t strict, I just knew that I wanted a place to call my own that I could share with the people I love. I also thought I’d be in a happy, healthy relationship with someone that would let me simply be me and not have to apologize for one bit of it.
Well I worked hard and loved harder, and I found myself with a couple of the things I’d been dreaming of since high school. I shared a beautiful home with someone that I thought was the one. I adopted the black kitten I’ve always wanted and danced around my house in my socks and underwear whenever I pleased. I cooked often & blogged on the side. I worked from home and stayed busy. The problem was I was compromising my happiness for these things simply because it was all, at one point, exactly what I thought I wanted. And on top of it all I was being unrealistic. I had stopped celebrating my youth to live the adult life I had dreamed of. But soon after getting those things, it all fell apart. I realized the mistake I had made: I was chasing my goals written down on paper from age 18 instead of my current hopes and dreams. I wanted so badly to fit societies blueprint of a successful young woman in every way possible that I lost myself in the process.
So here I am now, living in the bedroom I grew up in with my kitten, single and unsure of what I really want but finally finding that happiness. I have thrown away that old piece of paper with dreams I created when I was younger, and I am reevaluating what real happiness means to me. And instead of thinking about what could have been or “how it should be” I am learning to start fresh & be patient with myself. The fact of the matter is there isn’t a blueprint for the perfect young woman in this society.
So one of the hardest things I am learning is that it’s about what you want, not what others expect. It might take a little longer to get the things I want in life, but with the right amount of focus, passion, and dedication it will last this time around. Don’t limit yourself to a specific outline. Just work hard, love harder, and push for the dreams that you dreamt the night before. Life is too short to be living in the past, creating an unrealistic future, & ignoring the beauty in the present. I promise you, you will be a success if you can simply live for yourself.
