You Will Be Stronger

You had me second guess myself so many times that I’d be surprised to find a single doubt within if you asked me to look today. You led me astray more times than I chose to count. I fell flat on my face but I didn’t ever give up. My phone bill teetered towards overage charges for the first time since high school; I sobbed to my mum so many times our plan couldn’t keep up, yet somehow she always did. It’s been since I said farewell to my childhood that my lips have trembled like they did during this month. I crumbled in situations that I’d usually be holding down.

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And sometimes, if the stars aligned just right, I’d be at the end of a gut-wrenching day doing my best to catch my breath & I would suddenly find myself in an opulent moment. After letting those sporadic moments of bliss amongst blur confuse me for a while, I started using them as fuel: I knew if I consistently fought until I couldn’t anymore I’d start to see results. Slowly but surely, things began making sense.

April, I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but our 30 days of trial & error together splashed color on my white walls & infused a deep appreciation within. Thank you for kicking me in the ass even though I was usually still trying to get up from the last time. And, thank you for teaching me how to be strong even when I am alone. I reached out to my incredible loved ones a lot, to say the least, but whenever a new situation arose I had to learn to adjust (still learning how)

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I guess I’ve decided that a firm reality check isn’t always the sweetest cup of tea, but it sure does make a pretty little promise — that this too shall pass, and when it does, you will be stronger. 

All my love until we meet again next year, xoxo, your little warrior

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” (Sonnet XCVIII) -William Shakespeare

Too much at….. too early

No, I am not your alarm clock, I’m better… well, not really, but I’m trying be. Okay look, I know Mondays are like the last donut in the box that nobody wants to touch because everyone has touched it at least once aaand… its gross. But suck it up, put your big girl/boy panties on (all styles accepted), twirl/shake it through a mist of your favorite perfume/cologne, slip into your favorite ‘I feel goood… shoot, I look good too!‘ outfit and play your favorite album on your way to work & sing at the top of your lungs. Yup. Even if you take: Trax/the bus/your bike/rollerblades/wings/disco-make-you-fly-sneaks. Just sing baby! And have a fantastic day to ring in the new week!

I’m trying to offer a blog that everyone can benefit from. I know that has not always been the case (my apologies) Here are a few things to browse while you enjoy your breakfast of champions AKA the last donut. Don’t worry……. I won’t tell anyone, as long as you wipe that scowl off your face & smile before your boss gets in.

All my annoying-ly happy-thoughts-at….too-early, Bee

Entwine Oneself Around the Key

I love the feeling I get when I am around people that make me feel like I don’t have to explain myself. They get it.

I also love when I have had a bad day & I’m hardly holding it down, about to crumble, and someone has the key. The key that most look past because it is so incredibly simple. What I love is it takes us back to the basics. The key that solves many of my problems 99% of the time is the comfort that roots back to a genuine embrace: sometimes, when I don’t know what else to do other than not fall apart I just need someone to pick me up, pull me in close, & hug me. Are any of you with me on this? If so… Continue. 

As we mature we are expected to be well composed when handling tough situations. There are plenty of ways society expects us to deal with negativity, but the biggest one is ignoring it. Last time I checked if you ignore something it either dies, remains in it’s current state, grows, or rots. For me, it’s usually the last one. I believe thoughts get old, and just like the garbage, we need to take our old rung out thoughts to the dump — and leave them there.

I believe in starting fresh & doing so often. Think of it this way: just like computers, our brains/thoughts/attitudes need to be refreshed. And then, we just might need someone to pull us in, wrap their arms around us (whether they be big & strong, or soft & delicate) & remind us that this too shall pass. The beautiful thing is sometimes they can do so without saying a word (my mum & grandma are great for this… so are my auntie Care & Brenna)

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I think society is wrong in many ways, especially with the way it asks us to cope with aches & pains that ibuprofen doesn’t stand a chance against. I think it can be unhealthy to never take our strong faces off.  And, in my opinion, it’s not fair to the tender spots in your heart that you may have forgotten about 20 years ago because you chose to ‘do what you have to do’ vs. taking care of yourself & moving on after you “take the trash out”

I think what Oscar Wilde said (despite it being targeted towards women) is very fitting for this. Wilde said ”Women are ment to be loved — not to be understood. Well perhaps we should take some notes and stop muffling our pain & begin wading through it by starting with a hug.

This one is for you, grandma. Someday, I hope we can hug an elephant together :)

I know everyone doesn’t like hugs — and that’s okay. I respect that! So don’t worry, I’m all about respecting your beautiful bubble! But the next time I see someone I love trying to fight through their battles alone, or they just aren’t sure who to pick for their team of heart-ache-kicking supporters, I’ll do one easy & powerful thing (if my gut instinct tells me it’s okay to do so): Ignore my desire to give advice that may not be asked for, and simply give them a squeeze. Perhaps we can benefit from a little unity instead of constantly trying to be superior to others by proving our strengths that, in the end, usually make us weak. 

Ready, set, love.